I awoke at 5:56, been beating the clock for weeks. Why?
One. It’s probably because the bed is uncomfortable, a couch conversion that dips in the middle and barely fits my anything but tall frame. I go to sleep laying lengthwise and wake up diagonally, splayed.
Two. Maybe it’s the light flickering on from across the street, the automatic front entrance luminescence–that alien spaceship open-hatch beaming out into the night.
Three. It’s a bad dream. Eventually, I’ll lay my head back on the damp salty pillow.
I’m envious of the people who can remember theirs. The good ones. They talk of outlandish tales and I sit gripped pondering the Jungian symbolism.
I do my dreaming in the day. They consist of places to see, mountains to climb, of the woman I’d like to do it all with.
I try not to wake up early from these. Sometimes life beeps and bleeps and reality catches up with you.
…
Next week is February 14th.
That’s seven days.
You know how many girlfriends I’ve had, to bring chocolate and flowers to on this day of sugar hearts and Hershey kisses?
Zero.
Cupid’s slacking.
Or maybe slow. Though, I met my last two girlfriends in the week between Valentine’s Day and my birthday. Will this year make it three in a row?
Periods also come in threes. Ellipses twinkling the continuation of, a break in the story so… to be continued, Beau.
…
“Do you like spending time alone?,” she asked.
“I do. I have a lot of practice with it.” I said.
I’ve spent 9.5 of my 12 adult years single. But who’s counting.
In two weeks I’ll be 31.
I’ve got an average of 48 years left to live.
Numbers.
Numbers, numbers, numbers.
I wonder if maybe I look hard enough I can find a pattern in them all. There is one common denominator.
…
Math used to be fun.
Then life made it into a practical matter of quarterly reviews, your income statement, and if you really can afford that vacation you’ve always wanted to take.
I had to learn to like math again. To understand it means you can play the odds.
I figure life is a lottery, except we don’t really know the rules, and the house didn’t stack the game in their favor. Well they did, sorta.
Anyway, you take your chances in a 79 year average lifespan–look for the opportunities with upside, minimize your exposure, bet big on the things you believe in–and bask in the favor of Fortune once or twice.
In the end, math tells you things like we all approach zero over time. History is a fine complementary subject, if you’re curious.
An any rate, while you’re marked 1 and not 0, the key is to keep playing the game. Or something like that.
…
I don’t know much. But I’m good at parroting other people’s words.
A wise man once said that the life you live is a combination of the here and now and a fantasy for how you thought it all would be.
Analyze any of your disappointments and you’ll see it’s the discrepancy between what you’d hoped for and what is.
A scientist enumerated that love comes in all forms, and that’s the beauty and difficulty of it.
A drunk said you should find what you love and let it kill you.
A preacher said to do great things. And if you can’t do that to do little things in a great way.
A climber said the real problem is that you think you have all this time. When you don’t.
A psychologist said that the health of our world is dependent on the integrity of the individual.
Well hoot, Japhy, what’s it all mean?
Maybe it’s that your life matters and you get too few spins of the roulette wheel. Maybe it’s that you should roll that damn ball for as long as ya can. Because you want to play, and not be a spectator, aye?
…
“Beep-beep!”
That your alarm clock going off?
Feature photo source: A Reciprocating Saw
